


Darn You, Katy Perry, Darn You To Heck

by wneleh



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: M/M, Song fic, Tropetastic Tuesday #3, a bit of internalized homophobia, kissing on a dare, maybe more than a bit, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 12:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10437840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wneleh/pseuds/wneleh
Summary: “Do guys ever kiss each other, do you think?  I mean, straight guys?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Completely made up.

_May, 2008_

// I kissed a girl and I liked it //

The darn Katy Perry song was everywhere, and everyone was talking about it, and Link couldn’t get it out of his head. 

// I kissed a girl just to try it //

Was it promoting homosexuality?

// I hope my boyfriend don't mind it //

Was it the most blatantly homophobic song to get mainstream, uncensored airtime since “Rapper’s Delight”?

// The taste of her cherry chap stick //

And now Lily and Lincoln were asking for cherry lip balm, and Christy had banned WDCG and WWPL from both house and minivan for the duration.

\- - - - -

They had a massive amount to get done today: finishing up editing the first of the Alka Seltzer road trip videos they’d begin releasing the next month, making sure they’d covered all the bases they could in advance of the formal release of _Ms. Locklear Has To Be Around Here Somewhere_ (as Jessie liked to call their movie), and getting back into songwriting after a couple of months of not doing much in that department. Christy and Jessie had both campaigned hard for a week of downtime before the summer push, and Link had enjoyed it, Katy Perry aside, but he was anxious to get going.

Rhett had gone for the extravagant, of course, and taken his family to the beach for the week, though Link couldn’t imagine why he’d wanted to do more travelling. 

Would Rhett have heard the song, way out there on the outer banks? Yeah, of course he would have.

And, sure enough, Rhett had WDCG (probably) blasting in the studio this morning, and they were playing that darn song and Link was NOT going to enter their lovely basement lair until it was over.

As it ended, Rhett clicked off the radio. “Trying to catch flies in your mouth?”

Link closed his mouth.

Rhett made his exasperated face, which was pretty unfair because Link was pretty sure he wasn’t being exasperating yet. 

“That darn song’s following me,” Link tried to explain as he finally started getting settled.

“Gotta watch those A-minor chords,” said Rhett. “They’ll get you every time.”

// This was never the way I planned //

Link turned his laptop on, but it felt awkward in his lap so he moved from the sofa to his desk. But the height wasn’t quite right for his forearms – they were really going to have to find a lower desk or a higher chair, maybe there’d be something on Freecycle…

// Caught my attention //

“Would you just settle down! God, Neal…”

// I'm curious for you //

Darn it, they’d just spent weeks together, sometimes driving for hours between stops, eating all sorts of stuff, sharing motel rooms…

// Soft skin, red lips, so kissable //

And he’d never, not once

// The taste of her cherry chap stick //

wondered what Rhett’s lips tasted like.

// Hard to resist so touchable //

“Do you think girls kiss a lot?” Link asked. “I mean, each other?”

Rhett stopped whatever he’d been up to and came and perched on the edge of Link’s desk. “You mean, girls over the age of eight? Women? And not their grandmas? No. No more than guys.”

“Do guys ever kiss each other, do you think? I mean, straight guys?”

// I kissed a girl just to try it //

“No. Not sober at least.”

// I got so brave, drink in hand - Lost my discretion //

Link made himself smile. “This why we never get drunk?”

“We never get drunk because you hate puking and I hate cleaning it up,” said Rhett, and Link nodded, because, yes. 

“Plus, wives and kids,” said Rhett. “Responsibilities. Videos to edit. Katy Perry chord sequences to emulate.”

// I kissed a girl and I liked it – I liked it //

“But what if we liked it?”

“What would be worse, if we liked it or we didn’t?” Rhett asked, and again Link nodded, because, yes, again, good point.

And Link thought maybe he’d just drop the whole thing but now Rhett was looking into the middle distance and not seeming like he was going to remove himself from his perch any time soon. 

“You know what would make me kiss you, Neal?” he finally asked. “A dare. A nice, manly dare.”

“Who’s going to dare us to kiss each other?” Link asked, switching Rhett’s words up a little because proper phrasing of who was doing what to whom was important.

Rhett twisted his body so that he was now fully facing Link. “Charles Lincoln Neal, I dare you to kiss me,” he said.

“What happens if I don’t?” Link breathed, unable to give the question volume.

“Don’t make this too complicated,” Rhett said – pleaded, more accurately – from his perch above.

So Link stood

// I kissed a girl just to try it //

and placed his hands on Rhett’s shoulders

// It felt so wrong //

and leaned in

// It felt so right //

and kissed him, almost chastely (where had THAT word come from?) but lingering (that was better) to get the taste (not cherry – coffee and mint and maybe sweat-salt?)

// Don't mean I'm in love tonight //

wrong

// No, I don't even know your name - It doesn't matter - You're my experimental game //

Darn you, Katy Perry, darn you to heck.

Link pulled back. “That wasn’t so bad,” he said. “What do you think?”

// This was never the way I planned – not my intention //

Rhett was again looking squarely at him. “You think we can do this?” Rhett asked. “You think we can have – everything? Anything?”

“I think we can have – anything but not everything.”

// It's not what good girls do //

“But - I don’t think that that is the last time, the only time, we’ll ever…” Link continued. “I just don’t.”

“I can live with that,” said Rhett. “As long as Ms. Perry doesn’t write any more dangerous songs.”

And now the moment – the mood – the WHATEVER – they’d been playing with – or not playing with – was evaporating, and – yeah, Link was fine with that. Maybe fine with that. 

// Ain't no big deal, it's innocent //

Maybe, maybe not.

“Well, I bet she’ll be a one-hit wonder,” said Link.

**Author's Note:**

> Interspersed lyrics are, of course, from Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" - everything you want to know about the song is [here on Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Kissed_a_Girl), and I used a variety of sources for the text.
> 
> I actually can't stand this song back in 2008; seemed totally homophobic to me, and I didn't let my own kids listen to it in my presence, though I'm a slacker mom so the control wasn't very all-encompassing.
> 
> Since then, Katy Perry's redeemed herself.


End file.
